March 18, 2014
So, I have dress rehearsal tonight and one of my actors isn't here,
the costumes aren’t finished, they haven’t timed the quick changes, I don’t even
know if they have all of their props, and I’m here freaking the fuck out
because I thought I could be my own stage manager and do everything myself.
Thank Christ for stage managers. They are the best creatures ever created. And how
desperate I am for one. Then I wouldn’t be as stressed out of my skull.
I’m stressed and angry and I don’t know
where to put this negative energy. If I don’t do anything I’m going to blow up
at some innocent person that doesn’t deserve my wrath, make them cry, and not
feel any remorse until later. Why did I think I could do this all on my own?!
Am I just at much of an idiot?! And I have so much shit to catch up on. I’m final
caught up in English, but that’s just one subject. I still have Psychology,
Government, environmental science, and French! This has so far been the worst
week of my life. AND THE WEEK JUST STARTED! What’s worse is that the one act
plays start on Wednesday. Just perfect, something else I have to go to and will
be graded on.
Can I just graduate already? There
just aren’t enough hours in the day for me to get everything done! I have
school for eight hours, then rehearsal for another two, dress rehearsal until
7:30, and then fucking homework and makeup work. It’s only fucking Tuesday, WHY
DO I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO?
This is all
my fault too you know. I took the time off to
not be in school, and now look where it got me: a stressed out mess of a person
with no sense of control and no time to finish everything. You see that’s my
problem, I want to control everything in my life and when I can’t do that, I just
fall to pieces. This has happened before, not exactly on this particular scale,
but it has happened. Not sure how I got out of it, but that’s my life for you: I
get out of problems and I have no fucking clue how.
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